...trading...

Had an amazing run tonight.
Both because it was amazing.
Felt good.  Was painless.  Felt fast (even though I'm not that fast!)
You know the ones!!

But also because often when I run, and especially tonight
I get good time with God.

I find I hear Him clearer.

Maybe because I slow down.
Maybe because 100 other things aren't going down.
Maybe because its my few hours of awake alone time.

But maybe because He just knows I like to run.
And He likes to share it with me!!

I got to trade a lot with Him on this run.
Traded a bunch of exhaustion and fatigue for energy.
Traded a bunch of frustration and excuses for plans and strategies.
And most cool...  traded some pain and sorrow I'd been lugging around
for some oil of gladness
and got filled up with the JOY I didn't realize I'd been missing!!!

That's the cool thing about God.

He knows me. 
He loves me!
And I love nights like tonight, when I really feel it!!

Hope you are all feeling it too!!

Goodnight!!

...what makes something valuable?...

Lots of thoughts on value lately.

My hubby and I are doing a study with a couple.
We both have done the Christian thing our whole lives,
but more from a conceptual-not-life-changing, all based on what you DO, perspective.

The past few years we have been on a journey to find
LOVE without PERFORMANCE.

Just pure love.

Anyways, we are actually in a study right now called Pure Love.
Good stuff - really makes you think.
Whatever your beliefs are...  it raises good questions.

What is love?
What makes you valuable?

Where do you get your value?

From looking good?
From being thin?
From great hair or great clothes?
From comparing yourself to strangers?
From being good at sports/work/something?
From being dedicated to something?
From who you know?
From what people say?

Who defines you?

TV?
Culture?
Your spouse?
Friends?
That voice in your head?I
(Gosh, sometimes when I stop I hear what is in my head I am shocked!  So negative to myself!)

And lastly, is it possible to REALLY believe and life like
I truly am valuable just because God made made me and loves me.
That it isn't about PERFORMANCE or RELIGION or WHAT I DO or IF I EARN IT.

What would life be like to never compare ourselves?
To get out from the pressure of being "something"?
To be satisfied and happy with who we are?
To not stop living, but to actually really begin living??????

So... just good questions to ponder. 

I am trying to go through these questions in my journal and be REAL with myself. 
To not answer with what I think or wish the answer is,
but to really answer based on what I hear in my head, how I make decisions, how I truly function. 
Because TRUTH is the only way to change, the only way to freedom...

So that's my thoughtful post of the day!!

We'll end on this note:  YOU ARE VALUABLE!  Just for who you are!!  And so am I!

...clutter...

This is not my house... but it could be.  Really.

Every room.

I am drowning in clutter.
Talk about a joy-killer!

I have never been organized.  Or, I guess, I am one of those cluttered-organized persons.  When its just me and my stuff, everything looks like a disaster but at least I know where each and every thing is.  So it works.  Kinda.

But add a husband who is also a pack-rat and not organized, and 3 boys (5 and under)... and HELP I AM DROWNING!!

Long story short, we bought our house right before we got married.  I moved in until the wedding...

But the house was pink, and trashed.  The previous owner had literally gutted it and then died.  (Hopefully he's in heaven in a totally remodeled beautiful home now!)

So the good news was we were able to get a contractor guy who refinished walls, did the floor and doors, ceilings, everything.... and put it back together.  Bad news is that took many months.  So I had to move in, but couldn't really move in.  Then I worked 50+ hours a week and was finishing planning a wedding, got married, had a baby 10 months later, and 2 more in the next 3 years.  (O, quit my job in there right before the 1st baby came...  so if you're a working mama, I give you praise - I can't keep this place organized when its my full-time job, so i have no idear how you do it!!!  Holah to you!!!!!)

But what is missing in this moving into our house story???  NEVER DID WE GET SETTLED.  We just piled.  And then moved piles around.  And now there are just piles everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.

And its just gotten worse.  And worse.

So what am I saying?  Clutter is driving me mad.  Its stealing my joy, my time with friends (wouldn't dream of having anyone over), stealing my time with my boys.....  its GOTTA GO!

I see funny pinterest signs saying:  "I was going to clean my house, but then I watched Hoarders instead."  Its not funny to me...  I relate to the hoarders!!

Ok, its not that bad.  But in 5 more years, at this rate, we will be on that show!
(That actually would be cool.)

Sooooo am I just whining in this post?  YES!  Yes, I am.

I know there must be others who relate.  But I look up blogs called "Messy Whatever" and they show beautiful, decorated homes with like a toy on the floor and a dish in the sink.  Come on people!!!!  Really??

I signed up for flylady.  Love her posts.  I read them - haven't done much else, but I have read them.   And I bought some of their tools.  That are in a pile somewhere now...!  Doh!!

Lately, I have been praying and declaring ORDER throughout the house. 

I actually told my hubby that I think my house to some extent represents my spiritual orderliness...  this has been a season where God is stripping things, and putting me back together based one who I really am and my value in Him. 

Well, I believe I need to mirror that in my house...  strip it down to basics and let it reflect who we are.  Peaceful, restful, welcoming.

And heck, maybe God will throw a miracle in there and I will be struck by a lightening bolt of hospitality!!!!!  Stranger things have happened!!

Now I just gotta take the first step.

Jump off the cliff.

Dive in.

Whats my inspiration?  I'll let you know when I find it.....

But I think maybe it has something to do with another 40 days. 

If you read my first few blog posts here, me writing these started with me saying I'd do this for 40 days.  I also talked about how cool I think that 40 day period is... "significant" you could say.

So 40 days... to pray and focus and push up my sleeves and take a billion trips to Good Will and clean and organize.  And we'll see where I end up...  I'll let you know!!!!

And I am gonna start tomorrow! 

Don't laugh...  I really will!!!...............

...coffee is my love language...

Coffee.  I love it.  I know the baristas all over town.  Nine out of 10 times if I pull up, they make my drink without me asking.  Its so nice - like I have friends everywhere.  My hubby and I even drove up to a coffee shop about an hour away, and yep - they knew me!  (That was kind of a set up, because I have a friend up there and I always stop by that drive-thru DB on the way home, but it caused a good laugh for my hubby!)

For 18 years I have drank a 20 oz chai with skim milk and a shot of espresso.  Delish.  Oregon Chai.  Not Starbucks.  I love Starbucks, but not their chai.  I just get a latte when I go there.  But anywhere else, its a 20 oz chai with skim milk and a shot of espresso. 

About 5 years ago, Dutch Bros started calling this a Dirty Chai.  Apparently other people like this drink too, as it has a name!  But my sweet hubby would often bring one home for me (he knows that coffee is my love language!) and when he would order a 20 oz chai with skim milk and a shot of espresso, the barista would usually say, "O, a Dirty Chai!"  So one day he got brave.  He pulled up, ordered me a Dirty Chai.  As soon as he said it, he knew he'd made a terrible mistake.  The barista was a cute young girl, and she looked shocked and then mad.  If you knew my poor husband, you would be cracking up!  He is the kindest man, who never offends anyone.  Well, she was offended!!  Of course he explained and it probably wasn't that bad, but it mortified that poor guy.  He's staying away from saying "Dirty Chais" from now on!

But that was my drink.  And I still love it.  But then all this adrenal/thyroid crud kicked in and so I have stopped.  Sigh.  I still drink coffee!  But either make it at home or have an Americano. I just can't do the sugar anymore.  But I still drive by and look wistfully at all my friends, remembering the decades of coffee love.  And I wonder if they miss me?  I miss them!  (I also wonder if their budget misses me, as I am sure I paid their electric bills for many years!)

And even though I have changed drinks, and honestly I have a goal of only cutting back so much that coffee is only a treat now and then, I will always have a love affair with coffee.  The warmth, the smell, the color, the taste, the effect, the environment of a coffee shop, the friendships strengthened over coffee...   the list goes on!!

Thank God for Coffee!!!

...40 Days...

A blog! 

Intimidating?  Exciting?  Fun?  

All this is going through my mind... as I think that yes, I will do this.  For so many reasons.  And for no reason!  For 40 days.  And then we'll see.

Forty days?  Yep.  Forty days is a good time frame.  If life is crazy, if you want to change something, if you're thinking of trying something out, if you have to get through something... give yourself 40 days.  It works! 

Its worked for lots of people.  Take a look in the Bible - 40 day chunks of time were a big deal!  Noah, Moses, Jesus - they all had 40 day experiences that were life changing!  And its a time frame God gave me once, during a super hard season... Just hang in there for 40 days.  Hang on for 40 days, and then see...  see whats happening.  See where you are, see whats going on, see how circumstances have changed.  Forty days.  Its long enough to create a new habit, to get a new perspective, to get hope! 

Forty days.  Its also long enough to see what its like to blog.

So... let the blogging journey begin.  Blog #1.  Here it is!  Thirty-nine more days to go...!

Lotsa love,
Pam

(So, what's up with the picture?  I love coffee and my boys love angry birds!  What a good combo!)